Author: Forrest Hill

Making Our Practice Personal

Posted on by

“No one can ever explain to us how to have an experience. If they could, we would all be enlightened by now. Our task as practitioners is to bring the teachings to life in a personal way. No one can tell us how to do it.” – Elizabeth Mattis-Namoveil

Over the years of my meditation and Dharma practice, I’ve witnessed certain trends and themes emerge. The exact same thing has occurred with my teaching and writing, patterns and tendencies surface and then they begin to reveal themselves to me. One key and yet quite simple thread that keeps making itself known is my sense that no one can truly teach us how to practice, that we have to discover this on our own. Another consistently emerging strand that goes along with this is the ever increasing necessity for each of us to cultivate an intimate relationship with the unique inner landscape of our own hearts and minds. This relationship, in a nutshell, is the key to us softening the habitual cycles of our suffering and to awakening to new levels of freedom, wisdom and care.

My particular journey down the many paths of the practice has been filled with stops and starts, illuminations and disengagement, clarity and delusion, a closed and then an open heart. My journey’s been informed by so many serene elements of the Buddhist tradition, by so many deeply inspiring teachers, but it really started to gain momentum, and truly unfold, once I gave myself permission to let go of “the rules” and start making my practice personal. At the most basic level, I’ve begun to discover that we’re not here to perfect our understanding of the four foundations of mindfulness – as beautiful and resourceful as this teaching can be – we’re here to open our hearts to our own experience of the human condition. We’re here to find a way to navigate this life with as much grace, acceptance and love as is available. And, in my experience, no one can truly teach us how to do this. We have to walk our own unique path down the many roads that are presented to us. To find a home within the Dharma, we have to make the practice personal, unburdened of expectations, and intimately our own.

Matthew Brensilver, a core teacher of mine, once expressed that “The basic question of what it’s like to be human sounds so pedestrian as to be useless. But it’s actually an important question that I don’t think we can adequately answer until we get still and quiet. So we ask: what is it actually like to be human? How does it actually feel at the level of our awareness to be alive? And how can we relate to that in such a way that we’re making peace with the imperfection of our human condition?” Continuing on this same theme, Pema Chodron writes, “If you ask how in the world can we do this, the answer is simple. Make the dharma personal, explore it wholeheartedly, and relax.”

Over the past few years or so, I’ve kind of broken the practice down into three primary domains:

1.) Being a human animal is a wild and mysterious ride.

2.) The teachings of the Dharma are vast and sublime.

3.) You have to find your own path to your heart.

Suzuki Roshi, in his seminal book Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, shares that “It is almost impossible to talk about Buddhism. So not to say anything, just to practice it, is the best way.” Some part of me feels a true kinship with this line of thinking. Yet, at the same time, I’ve encountered a deep and profound experience of the heart of the Dharma through hearing it articulated by others. One of the core tenets of this path is that things are not dualistic (this or that, either/or) but fluid, unfolding, expansive and beyond the defined boundaries of language. So, in the end, you really just need to get in there and play around! See what works for you. See what touches your heart. The teachings are a road map full of treasures but they are not the destination, or the end point, in and of themselves. What we’re cultivating is our own sense of humanity and wellbeing. The Dharma is universal but our relationship with it is deeply personal. And, in my perspective, improvisational; a call and response with the intimate moments of our lives.

One of the core principles of improvisational performance, that has also been adopted in organizational settings, is the concept known as “Yes, and…” A way to approach this guideline on the stage is that one improviser should accept what another improviser has stated (this is the “Yes”) and then expand upon what is being offered (this is the “and…”). In a business or other organizational setting, saying “Yes” encourages people to listen and be receptive to the ideas of others. In our experience of our own practice, saying “Yes” to the present moment, accepting the truth of what is being presented, provides us with a wide range of intimate possibilities.

Rachel Denyer, a co-founder of People Storming with a background in organizational improv and behavioral psychology, shares that “In improv we have to pay attention to what is going on inside the exercise or the scene. It is only by paying attention that we can truly understand what is happening and identify places to add value or support.” She further explains that in improv they are always looking for opportunities to start anywhere. “Starting anywhere essentially means jumping in or starting in the middle. Through improv, we are encouraging creativity and spontaneity. If you have an idea in the present, you don’t need to spend time refining it or evaluating it. You can just jump in with the offer and see where the scene or discussion takes you.”

In my experience, these same concepts are essential elements in the path of our practice and are available to us at any time. Whether in formal meditation or in the flow of our daily lives, we can always wake up to the present moment, choose to say “Yes” to the truth of our experience, “and” then jump in and explore what’s being offered. An initial “Yes…and” starting point may simply be to pause, to take a breath, and then lean into our hearts. Over time, the invitation can unfold and we can trust in our capacity to meet this moment with an open, wise and compassionate response. But it’s not an all or nothing engagement, a this happens and then that response is needed; the path is about developing an intimate relationship with our inner life and being attuned with its reverberations. The path of our practice is at once universal and deeply personal. It’s yours to be lived, felt and brought to life in an intimate way.

Daylong with Matthew Brensilver – The Five Spiritual Faculties – Sept 14th

Posted on by

The Five Spiritual Faculties provide important insight into how we mature on this dharma path. Faith, energy, mindfulness, samadhi and wisdom. It is instructive to consider how the factors of a Buddhist list fit together. These faculties are both skills that help us walk the path, and the outcome of our development. During this day of practice, we’ll explore the ways that these factors work together to lead us forward on the path of liberation. All levels of experience welcomed.

What to Bring: Please bring a lunch, beverage and appropriate clothing for outside walking meditation.

Ticket Price: $35 – $100 sliding scale.

No one turned away for lack of funds!

Register at Eventbrite by going to the link below:

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/a-daylong-retreat-with-matthew-brensilver-tickets-965332695077

Aligning With Resilience: The Web of Life That We Are

Posted on by

I once read a quote somewhere about how nature’s pace is always slow to medium, in stark contrast with the ever-quickening multi-tasking of modern human life.

Having recently returned from drinking in the majestic redwoods, riverways, and rocky coastal shores of southern Oregon and northern California with my family, I’ve been reflecting upon the power of the healing resonance of nature’s groundedness and serene beauty. And how, when we humans are able to consciously attune to this, the qualities of awe, wonder, simplicity and appreciation can naturally arise. Patience can show up like a close friend. Quiet spaciousness and birdsong can birth a quality of hope that is rooted in the truth of the life-affirming resilience of the web of life that we are.

Throughout the pandemic years and today’s difficult and challenging times, I am acutely aware that my practice has become more nature-based than ever. The data is in: when I am among the trees, whether on vacation or driving and walking my everyday life, and I practice seeing and sensing their groundedness and serenity (the big picture beyond our human-centered drama), I know in my bones that I am made up of the same elements as those trees and I, too, contain those capacities. From my experience, this clear-seeing is often the building block from which my capacity for kindness, caring, and compassionate action rises. And, conversely, when I hold the intention to align with kindness, caring, and compassionate action, this helps me to remember to sense the trees and experience the full picture. In slowing down and tuning in to nature’s beauty, pace, and changing seasons, we can feel supported:

  • in aligning with a visceral sense of deep rootedness
  • in remembering our capacity for steadiness, flexibility and resilience
  • in touching the peace that is present in the natural world in this very moment
  • in remembering our interconnection with all of life and what really matters

These life-giving practices that encourage clear-seeing and care feel so practical and essential at this time on Earth and, as often shared by Ayya Santacitta, we are not alone in wanting to be a part of the healing. The whole web of life is this resilience. We do this together: A fallen redwood log blooms a dense forest of bright green clovers. Winter opens into Spring, warms into Summer, lets go into Fall, and begins again. Baby ferns unfurl from the ash-filled wildfire ground.

May tuning in to nature, and our daily intentions and actions, support us in walking, step-by-step, through these difficult times, together. May we take refuge in what steadies and supports us on our path. May we remember our connection with all of life and our own sense of agency. May we know that we can, and will, play our part in the healing of ourselves, our communities, and our world.

Seeing Through The Mirage

Posted on by

Throughout my many years of meditation practice, I’ve discovered that the simple yet profound concept of curiosity has brought some of the  most transformative changes in my life. While the saying goes that “curiosity killed the cat,” from a mindfulness perspective, it is an essential quality for understanding our minds and seeing through the mirage of beliefs that cause our suffering.

As we’ve often discussed (though it’s easy to forget), the goal of meditation practice is not to clear thoughts from our minds. Instead, we are practicing how to accept whatever arises in the present moment, including thoughts and emotions, without judgment. There’s much to be learned by observing how thoughts come and go and how we habitually react to them. This stands in contrast to our natural tendency, which is to try to solve our problems with more thoughts. Unfortunately, this methodology generally doesn’t solve them; it just creates more problems.

This is where curiosity comes in. Curiosity entails being open to the experiences that arise in our minds and bodies. Like patience and kindness, curiosity is particularly useful when negative experiences emerge. Why? Because many of us have a deeply ingrained habit of avoiding anything negative. We tend to avoid sitting with them, accepting them, and learning from them; instead, we prefer to evade them. Curiosity allows us to learn even when the experience isn’t as pleasant as we’d like it to be.

The poet James Stephens said that curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery. Curiosity is an open willingness to face experience as it is, as opposed to forcing our will onto experience. Thus, in meditation, we aren’t trying to engage with thoughts or analyze them. Instead, we use investigative curiosity to gain insights through simple observation of what is happening in the present moment. Curiosity is merely an engaged and open willingness to sit with our present moment experiences and allow observations to unfold. Without curiosity, it’s hard to maintain the energy necessary to examine difficult experiences without turning away or imposing judgments on ourselves.

One of my favorite methods for staying curious about experience is to work with the koan “What is this?” This isn’t really a question to be answered, but rather a way of being with things with openness and inquisitiveness into “what is.” What does it feel like in my body and mind when I’m anxious (What is this)? What does it feel like in my body and mind when I’m sad (What is this)? It reminds me not to try to figure things out or ponder why something is happening (“why me?”), but to simply investigate.

When we become curious about our experience, without judgment, we are often no longer gripped by it. This can lead to a sense of expansion naturally arising within us, allowing us to understand those parts of the mind that may have been opaque to us in the past. This is how harmful habits are broken. This is how personal change happens. This is how we connect more with nature and the truth of things as they are.

Planet Practice: Love, Resilience & Engaged Hope 

Posted on by

It is no secret that this past summer produced the warmest temperatures on Earth in recorded history. Though this season’s wildfires in the North Bay have been dissolved amazingly quick thus far, and we’ve been blessed by the wind with only a few days of smoky air from the fires up north, I am still touched by the magnitude of the suffering being endured by many living beings across our planet as the intensity of the heat waves, floods, fires, hurricanes and other weather events escalate, causing tremendous harm to ecosystems and communities. I know I’m not alone in my experience and that many of you reading these words are also moved by the suffering and possibility of this moment on Earth.

How do we summon our courage and resilience? How do we practice not looking away from the planetary crisis, and become a part of the healing, without fear freezing into overwhelm, numbness and/or despair?

What I’m learning collectively from the teachings, teachers, activists, artists, poets and writers I lean into for inspiration and support in these times is that it is now more important than ever that we remember the following 3 things in our bones:

  • The interconnected nature of everything – Where do you sense this in the body, and what practices and activities support you in remembering the truth of our interdependence with all life?
  • What really matters? – What qualities do you long to grow, experience, and have live through you? Love, Resilience, Ease, Connection, Courage, Patience, Joy, Equanimity, Fierce Compassion?
  • What helps you to feel rested and resourced? – What choices support your health and well-being? What types of practices, connections and support help to keep your life in balance and lessen stress? Including support in many forms, such as: people, animals, nature, food, water, beauty, air, poetry, art, writing, movement, meditation, exercise, a cup of tea, a warm bath, music, looking up at the stars, a good night’s sleep.

Our modern sages are pointing us to what we must remember: When we know we belong to this world, are in touch with our deepest intentions, and feel rested and resourced enough, we have a far better chance of being able to access our capacity to receive the teachings and intuitive wisdom that will likely be essential to live through this time of planetary crisis with resilience and grace. And, perhaps then, we can discover and embody our connection to our own sense of agency and allow these difficult times to empower us to play our part in the healing of ourselves, our families, our communities, and our world.

Ayya Santacitta shared in a recent newsletter that these words by Vaclav Havel give her great inspiration in the midst of uncertainty:

“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well. It is the certainty that something is worth doing no matter how it turns out.”

I couldn’t resonate more.

May our actions spring forth from this current of hope.

May we take good care of ourselves and one another, allowing our hearts to break fully when touched by loss, and remembering our love and gratitude for life itself and the breathtaking beauty of our dynamic, living world in need of our urgent care.

And, may we remember the truth of our belonging to this intricate web of life, and that, together with the help of this web we belong to, our collective intentions and actions can become a powerful force of healing, creative innovation, regeneration, and peace.

Supporting Ease in Difficult Times

Posted on by

As we continue to adapt to this difficult time on the planet, we are being asked to create new ways of living and being— to care more deeply for one another that we may end a pandemic and survive annual wildfires that have become “the new normal”, to acknowledge and attend to the dismantling of systemic racism within our country and within ourselves, and to work together to heal a climate crisis that isn’t out there in the future but already here and now.

As I write this evening, the thick wildfire smoke of the day is clearing a bit above the City of Napa. A temporary break in the ebb and flow of smokey and somewhat less smokey air. In this moment, I am able to see the eastern hills clearly out my living room window. I have been pausing to drink this in. Not in any “special” way, but with simple, straightforward acknowledgement of the blessing of a-little-bit-cleaner air. I receive the impact of this view in the softening body, noticing the truth: I am safe in this moment and I am able to drink this in. “Don’t know” how the wind will blow, but here and now is ok.

During these complex times there are five practices that support ease that I find myself leaning into each day:

  • Notice moments where you experience a sense of “ok-ness” as they arise, inviting ease and supporting the calming of the nervous system (Where do you feel this sense of ease in the body?)
  • Call back home the mind that worries forward into a future that is unknown. (Note to yourself, like a gentle whisper in the back of the mind, “don’t know”, calling on the truth of this moment with compassion.)
  • Stay close to the Earth by feeling your feet on the ground with each step, feeling the support of the Earth beneath you and the trees that we breathe with, breath by breath. Remember the interdependence of all of life, and your part in that web.
  • Remember that, in times of great challenge, it isn’t just “ok” to savor moments of ease as they arise, it’s imperative to our well-being. Pause throughout the day to drink in any and all subtle or expansive moments of ease as they arrive. Not grasping but receiving, allowing ease to come and go, savoring it while it’s here.
  • When it is available, use the energy of ease and gratitude that arises to intentionally take part in a compassionate action each day. This may be an act of kindness toward your own precious being, an act of support toward the well-being of others (loved ones, pets, strangers, neighbors, community, country) or an action that helps the natural world. Savor the experience of gratitude, belonging, and/or sense of purpose that arises when we know that we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves: we are a part of the healing of ourselves, our communities, and our world.

From my view, there is no better time than this very moment to keep our inner compass pointed in the direction of the daily life practices and circles of support that invite us to be grounded in the body, to align with fierce compassion, and to grow the courage and kindness needed to be a part of the healing of our hearts/minds and our world.

May we be well. May we remember our connection with all of life, one breath at a time. May we learn to care for one another and the Earth, day by day. May the Earth and all life know safety, healing and peace.

 

The Healing Balm of Nature: Intimacy with Life

Posted on by

With the seemingly constant barrage of news of political unrest, racism, violence, and climate emergency, amongst the everyday challenges and joys of our individual lives, how do we find steadiness within the midst of this life? As I’ve been exploring this question, it has brought insights and new practices into my world that I continue to experience as blessing.

As you know, our practice, as is true of all of life, is always a dance. It is fluid, not static. Some seasons we lean more fully into formal seated meditation, other seasons yoga or qigong may move to the front burner. There are times in which our practice may lean on mindfulness and times when lovingkindness practice feels most helpful. Over the past 17 years, I’ve learned what an intuitive process this practice can be, if we’re receptive to listening inwardly to what we truly need in this moment.

A couple of months ago, my son and I were out on the coast, enjoying a favorite hike to a replica of an indigenous village, a picnic in a meadow amongst the shelters, and time climbing around in fallen down trees. Between plentiful winter rains, the sun was out this day, and we could feel the warmth and much needed Vitamin D sooth our beings. But, what was truly different about this day is that we had plenty of time to hang out in this meadow as long as we wished. No rush to get home at a particular time, no “we better get going”. As they say on meditation retreat, we had “all the time in the world” to be with this. And, so, we sat on a fallen down tree in the sunshine, and just did nothing, nothing at all, except drink in the sounds, the touch of the light breeze on our skin, the trees, the bark and the sun, as long as we wished.

This “as long as we wished” probably ended up being about an hour and half, but the impact of this wide, open space of time was tremendous. I felt my nervous system, which had been experiencing low running anxiety the previous week or two, let go into gravity and re-attune to the heartbeat of tree and Earth and sun. We didn’t talk much, other than pointing out a Steller’s jay or the green moss. My son, seemingly in a dreamy state, played with a stick, running it along the bark, the sound particularly alive in our ears. I could feel his nervous system dropping in, too. This permission to “just be” with this moment in nature was a healing balm for body, mind and heart. We left that meadow warm, rested and refreshed. Clear. Present. And it was in that moment that I committed to making this a weekly practice for us, at least for a season.

How does intuition, perception of time and intimacy with the natural world play a role in your practice? What practices support you (or might support you) in staying grounded and centered within the midst of life? What daily or weekly rituals support you in avoiding heart shut-down and keeping the heart open, receptive, and kind? What practices help to soothe the nervous system, rest the body, and renew the spirit?

May the Earth and all Beings know safety, healing, joy and deep peace.

Liberation Through Love

Posted on by

It is this way that we must train ourselves:
by liberation of the self through love.
We will develop love,
we will practice it,
we will make it both a way and a basis,
take a stand upon it,
store it up,
and thoroughly set it going.
-The Buddha

As we witness and experience the reverberations of change and conflict in our nation and the world, I’ve found clarity in one aspiration— my sincere intention to use my practice to help me to stand on, and for, love. I used the word “my” intention, but my deeper sense is that this aspiration is not actually “mine” but is part of the fruits that unfold as we practice mindfulness and compassion over time; the way the heart begins to naturally incline toward love. This does not mean, of course, that we feel caring and have access to compassion in every moment. (I surely don’t.) But, what it does mean, is that, in the moments in which we notice that the mind is lost in greed, aversion or confusion, we commit ourselves to doing all we can to pause, recognize and allow what is present, and NOT turn these mind states into actions. Said another way, we practice using our energy to re-direct the mind out of the spin of contraction and confusion and towards the steadiness of awareness and love.

In teaching about wise use of energy, Ajahn Sucitto shares:

“Regulating and directing energy has to do with establishing boundaries. We must consider what is unskillful, what leads to harmful results and should be left aside. And we must consider what is skillful, what channels our energy towards that which is supportive and nourishing… We can bear in mind the reflection: ‘Is this for my welfare, the welfare of others, and does it lead out of stress and towards peace?’ Instead of setting up a boundary between self and other, this reflection aims for a boundary between intentions and action. Then we can check before we cross that boundary…. The key point is that wherever your attention gets established then that’s where your energy goes. And that energy and focus becomes your world.” Parami: Ways to Cross Life’s Floods (2012), Ajahn Sucitto, p. 95, 97.

These teachings on skillful use of energy feel particularly relevant during times of uncertainty, when stress levels are high and energy must be conserved, and consciously directed, in order to maintain our balance. With the barrage of news, information, ads, texts, e-mails, internet sites, etc. that each of us have access to and must navigate most days in this modern world, these teachings can remind us to notice the moments in which we DO have choice about what we decide to let in, and to choose wisely.
From my experience, it is when I feel the resonance of my intentions (for example, when I know that cultivating love matters to me) and when I feel my energy is balanced (vs. depleted or revved up), that I feel able to serve more freely and to receive love.

What is true for you? What intentions matter to you most? What helps to support you in cultivating energy that is balanced (vs. depleted or revved up)? What is different about the moments where you feel connected with your intentions and balanced in your energy? What arises in these moments? If it is helpful, you might hold the affirmation: “Connected with wholesome intention, I protect and direct my energy wisely.”

May our daily life practice help to bring greater moments of peace, wisdom and compassion to our lives and this world during this time of uncertainty and disaccord. May all beings, nature and Earth, be safe and be well.

Sitting With Sylvia

Posted on by

We’ve all experienced some pretty powerful emotions since Tuesday evening and I wanted to share the experience I had at Spirit Rock on Wednesday…

Having listened to many of Sylvia Boorstein’s dharma talks, I have always wanted to sit with her. I’ve had her schedule marked on my phone for some time and was looking forward to a Wednesday that I could head over to Spirit Rock! Lori and I were planning on going yesterday, but a couple of weeks ago she let me know she would be unable to make it and I kinda put it on the back burner,,, until I sat in our meditation group Tuesday night and felt so much better…

I don’t know about the rest of you but upon entering the building that evening I sensed a palpable energy, and it wasn’t necessarily a good energy (for me at least). The results of the election had begun rolling in and it wasn’t looking good. A sense of shock pervaded the room and our faces showed it. This was monumental. Historical. And there we all were – together. What meant the most to me was the actual meditation, which became calm and peaceful and I sensed all of that energy that had been detected earlier dissipate in our common goal of coming to that peace that passes understanding and that presence we have all grown to know and love.

On returning home I felt the unease begin to creep in again and I thought to myself, “Well this was so wonderful tonight – I will journey to Spirit Rock in the morning”.

Leaving at 7:25, I was quickly engulfed in the bumper to bumper commute traffic, with no agenda accept to get there by 9. Listening to a dharma talk from Dharma Seed, I was cool. So cool that when Siri suggested a quicker route I thought I didn’t have anything to lose! (Plus, I changed Siri’s voice to the Australian male, and I just couldn’t say no!) Before long I found myself going through the town of Novato (or was it Petaluma?) and out into the country. I began to look around at the stunning landscape and felt such a sense of peace and connectedness with myself, the land, and curiously enough, my country. Truly, I felt at one with the universe and ever so grateful that I have the practice that I have. Just loving life and all that it entails – the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, the sadness and the joy of living in this human body on this fragile planet.

I remember thinking as I slowed down to snap photos that I would be fine if I didn’t make it to sit with Sylvia, although I was sure she would be imparting wisdom and dharma in her inimitable way that would surely inspire my post-election increasing sense of well-being!

As I zipped along I passed the most stunning glass-like lake. The reflection of the land around was perfectly mirrored on the smooth surface. The heavens came down and landed on the water with such clarity I was stunned.

And that is when I passed the Highway Patrol who instantly turned on his lights and siren and yes, I was pulled over. It has not been a regular occurrence in my life but indeed it has happened more than a couple of times! I was so taken with the experience I was having, that I was pretty much nonplussed with the speeding ticket… however, I will admit as I pulled away my mood did a little bit of a nose-dive. I thought to myself, “How funny, for this is life. One minute blissed out, the next – not so much”.

I eventually made my way to Spirit Rock and being about 20 minutes late, I opened the door quietly and tip-toed in.

And sitting up in front of about 70 folks – was not Sylvia.

It was Tony.

Tony, Sylvia’s friend.

He was great and his dharma talk was on point – compassionate and relevant to what we had all just experienced.

And that is when I had a good chuckle over the best laid plans and expectations we project in our lives. Whether it be a beautiful and inspiring drive through the countryside being sidetracked by a speeding ticket, the expectation of sitting with Sylvia turning in to sitting with Tony, or the fact that the one I expected to lead our country will not be doing so.

In Alcoholics Anonymous we talk about the “ism” of alcoholism. It’s mostly discussed around the notion that alcoholics are different from the rest of the normal folks of the world. The “ism” of the disease supposedly sets us apart from our brethren and the idea is to fight hard to recognize and eliminate or minimize behavior that may lead to another drink. I haven’t particularly been a fan of this concept, but I do know many who hang their hat on this concept and live their lives in the “ism” of the disease.

What I have learned in my years of spiritual inquiry is I have adapted the “ism” of living. The “ism” of just living life on life’s terms – as in “It is what it is”. This is the “ism” I choose to hang my hat on today, and I have been greatly enriched and blessed that you folks are all on this journey with me.

Or I with you. Heck, we’re all in this together!

Why Practice?

Posted on by

Since January, the Napa Valley Insight Meditation community has spent many a Tuesday evening exploring the teachings of the Noble Eightfold Path– the Buddha’s map of the path that leads to true happiness and peace.

If your mind is like mine can be at times, one of your thoughts after reading what I just wrote may be, “Well, that may be possible for a small number of people but, let’s be real, I’ll never get there.” From my experience, when this type of thought comes in, if we aren’t able to create some space around it (to hold it within kind awareness) we may find we don’t have much interest in exploring an Eightfold Path practice. Furthermore, we may begin this practice with an agitated, skeptical mind that is ready to fix our lives, judge ourselves and others, feel dragged down by our inner story of unworthiness, and/or create impossible expectations of how life should be. We know the “ouch” of holding this perspective.

When parts of my mind go to this place of doubt, I’ve found it helpful to redirect the mind toward curiosity as you might a young child who is stuck in the “no, no, nos”. Just as we can show a child an oak ball or the new kitty next door, we can see if our mind would be willing to open to the possibility of inviting in a sense of friendliness and curiosity as it tries out some new practices and sees for itself whether these practices lead to more well-being or more suffering.

From my experience, the more I practice, take in the data and experience the fruits of practice, the more motivated I am to engage in Eightfold Path practice for the benefit of myself and all beings.

For me, this motivation seems to grow out of the accumulation of daily life moments of direct experience of what leads to more suffering and what leads to greater peace.

Sometimes the benefits of practice are immediately clear to me and, often, I experience the benefits in more of a long-term trajectory whereby, looking back upon my life, I realize how deeply my mind/heart have changed over time– Wise Understanding grows clear seeing and contentment; Wise Intention plants the seeds for Wise Speech and Wise Action; Wise Action generates a sense of safety and compassion; Wise Livelihood grows a spirit of goodwill, service and gratitude; Wise Effort, Wise Mindfulness and Wise Concentration help cultivate a stable base from which to rest in mindful awareness.

The Buddha encourages us to “be a light unto yourself”, to see for ourselves. Our Eightfold Path practice and direct experience can show us the way. From my experience, we can, indeed, incline our minds and hearts toward less suffering and greater peace, one moment at a time.

Cultivating Our Capacity for Kindness

Posted on by

I began my meditation practice in earnest about 11 years ago. I was originally motivated to practice because of a desire to overcome anxiety and depression, feelings that had followed me around for most of my life. For the first couple of years, I focused on trying to “perfect” my practice in order to become happy. I had a “goal” and that goal was to rid myself of the unpleasant feelings that had caused me so much suffering. While all of my efforts helped improve my ability to sit for long periods of time, it did little to alter my temperament.

I was beginning to feel frustrated with meditation and even considered quitting, when I made the fortunate decision to attend a residential retreat at Sprit Rock led by Arinna Weisman. During the retreat she led several guided meditations on lovingkindness (metta) that opened my heart in ways I had never experienced before. While I was familiar with metta practice, I hadn’t until then taken it very seriously. What I learned from Arinna was that even when I don’t feel particularly lovable, I can still plant seeds of friendliness and care towards myself and others, knowing that in time they will bear fruit.

If you practice meditation for any time, you’ll quickly see that cultivating a spirit of kindness towards yourself is key to staying on the path towards liberation. Having the capacity to touch this feeling of metta – this innate sense of genuine love and kindness – allows us to open our heart and let the world in without expectations. We can see this when we are around people that radiate this sense of genuine kindness. They can make us feel important and at ease, not because of anything we’ve done, but because we are a fellow human being. Great spiritual leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King, Jr. exude this quality, as well as many ordinary people who somehow have this great gift and capacity.

This quality of metta manifests as a generous and openness of heart that simply wishes happiness for all beings. Metta is unconditional. It does not seek self-benefit, but is offered without expectations. Because this feeling is not dependent on external conditions, on people or events behaving a certain way, it is not easily disappointed or dissatisfied. As metta grows within us we become more open to ourselves, our neighbors and the world.

Like all qualities of the mind, metta can be strengthened with practice. We can begin in our meditation practice by silently repeating simple phrases that are meant to evoke metta within ourselves, for example some typical phrases suggested by Sharon Salzberg are:

May I be happy

May I be peaceful

May I be healthy

May I live with ease

The exact phrases we use do not particularly matter, it is the underlying feeling that they are intended to evoke where we want to focus our awareness. As we continue to repeat the phrases, we can begin sending metta to our friends by wishing that they may be happy, peaceful, healthy and at ease. Finally, we can expand our practice further to include people we don’t know very well, difficult people and eventually to all beings.

When practicing metta for ourselves or others, it is not unusual to feel that we are not loving enough, or that the practice is not working. Maybe we have an idea of what metta should feel like, an ecstatic feeling, waves of bliss, etc., and end up feeling discourage when these states don’t arise. All of these emotions are simply part of the practice and objects for mindfulness. They are a chance for us to open our hearts to whatever arises and allow the world in.

The Buddha suggested that we can also strengthen this feeling of metta by focusing on the good qualities of others in our daily lives. Finding fault and criticizing others is really a seductive habit that can be hard to break. Focusing on the positive qualities of others doesn’t mean we ignore their faults. Instead it helps us see the whole person for who they are without becoming sentimental about it. When we cultivate metta in this way, it helps us foster a greater sense of well-being towards ourselves and a greater appreciation of the joy and sorrows experienced by all beings.

Who’s Keeping Score?

Posted on by

“Falling down is what we humans do. If we can acknowledge that fact, judgment softens and we allow the world to be as it is, forgiving ourselves and others for our humanity. The Buddha’s First Noble Truth – that suffering exists – is, in itself, a permission to be human and not demand more of ourselves than we’re capable of. Our compassion arises from our very fallibility, and love takes root in the soils of human error.” – Lin Jenson, founding teacher of Chico Zen Center

This is the time of year in our American culture when many students (young and sometimes old!) have just recently graduated from one educational institution or another. It’s a time of ritual and ceremony as one chapter of a person’s life comes to an end and another chapter begins. It’s a time when we gather to celebrate accomplishments, hard work, and the overcoming of obstacles; a time when we set our sites on the hopefully bright future ahead.

Once upon a time in our American story, these events took place primarily on high school and college campuses, but nowadays we frequently find ourselves at middle, elementary, and even preschool graduations! And while I find these rites of passage to be deeply meaningful, I sometimes question if they’re feeding our individual and cultural need to be “good,” to be “successful?” If they’re supporting a cycle where we measure our internal self worth through external accomplishment? It’s a layered inquiry, with many possible answers and interpretations, but it guides me in the direction of something I would invite us all to explore: our relationship with our “failures.”

And in this investigation of our relationship with our “failures,” in the spending of some quality time simply acknowledging our own humanity, I invite you to reflect upon this question: Who’s keeping score?

There’s a teaching in Buddhism known as the Eight Worldly Winds, pairs of opposites that we can all get swept away in. The Buddha, in an ancient Pali text known as the Lokavipatti Sutta, named these opposite winds as follows: gain and loss; fame and disrepute; praise and blame; pleasure and pain. In this teaching, the Buddha shares that these winds are “inconsistent, impermanent, subject to change,” but that we often spend a majority of our time welcoming the pleasant and rebelling against the unpleasant. We spend a great amount of energy inflating and/or deflating our ego’s sense of itself.

Sound familiar? Again: Who’s keeping score?

When we’re swept up in these winds, what is it we’re after?

In a 2014 commencement address that Pema Chodron gave to the graduating students at Naropa University, Chodron turned the concepts of “success” and “failure” inside-out by stating that failure is actually an underutilized skill. That failure can be “the portal to creativity, to learning something new, to having a fresh perspective.”

So, when we’re caught up in the often habitual response of labeling ourselves as “good” or “bad,” when the worldly winds of “success” and “failure” are blowing strong, it may be of benefit to simply widen the lens, soften our hearts, and get a little curious about what’s going on? It may be of benefit to gently meet our strong emotions and great expectations with kindness, compassion, and a small (or large!) dose of Who’s keeping score?

Cultivating Our Capacity for Kindness is Key to Our Liberation

Posted on by

I began my meditation practice in earnest about 11 years ago. I was originally motivated to practice because of a desire to overcome anxiety and depression, feelings that had followed me around for most of my life. For the first couple of years, I focused on trying to “perfect” my practice in order to become happy. I had a “goal” and that goal was to rid myself of the unpleasant feelings that had caused me so much suffering. While all of my efforts helped improve my ability to sit for long periods of time, it did little to alter my temperament.

I was beginning to feel frustrated with meditation and even considered quitting, when I made the fortunate decision to attend a residential retreat at Sprit Rock led by Arinna Weisman. During the retreat she led several guided meditations on lovingkindness (metta) that opened my heart in ways I had never experienced before. While I was familiar with metta practice, I hadn’t until then taken it very seriously. What I learned from Arinna was that even when I don’t feel particularly lovable, I can still plant seeds of friendliness and care towards myself and others, knowing that in time they will bear fruit.

If you practice meditation for any time, you’ll quickly see that cultivating a spirit of kindness towards yourself is key to staying on the path towards liberation. Having the capacity to touch this feeling of metta – this innate sense of genuine love and kindness – allows us to open our heart and let the world in without expectations. We can see this when we are around people that radiate this sense of genuine kindness. They can make us feel important and at ease, not because of anything we’ve done, but because we are a fellow human being. Great spiritual leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King, Jr. exude this quality, as well as many ordinary people who somehow have this great gift and capacity.

This quality of metta manifests as a generous and openness of heart that simply wishes happiness for all beings. Metta is unconditional. It does not seek self-benefit, but is offered without expectations. Because this feeling is not dependent on external conditions, on people or events behaving a certain way, it is not easily disappointed or dissatisfied. As metta grows within us we become more open to ourselves, our neighbors and the world.

Like all qualities of the mind, metta can be strengthened with practice. We can begin in our meditation practice by silently repeating simple phrases that are meant to evoke metta within ourselves, for example some typical phrases suggested by Sharon Salzberg are:

May I be happy

May I be peaceful

May I be healthy

May I live with ease

The exact phrases we use do not particularly matter, it is the underlying feeling that they are intended to evoke where we want to focus our awareness. As we continue to repeat the phrases, we can begin sending metta to our friends by wishing that they may be happy, peaceful, healthy and at ease. Finally, we can expand our practice further to include people we don’t know very well, difficult people and eventually to all beings.

When practicing metta for ourselves or others, it is not unusual to feel that we are not loving enough, or that the practice is not working. Maybe we have an idea of what metta should feel like, an ecstatic feeling, waves of bliss, etc., and end up feeling discourage when these states don’t arise. All of these emotions are simply part of the practice and objects for mindfulness. They are a chance for us to open our hearts to whatever arises and allow the world in.

The Buddha suggested that we can also strengthen this feeling of metta by focusing on the good qualities of others in our daily lives. Finding fault and criticizing others is really a seductive habit that can be hard to break. Focusing on the positive qualities of others doesn’t mean we ignore their faults. Instead it helps us see the whole person for who they are without becoming sentimental about it. When we cultivate metta in this way, it helps us foster a greater sense of well-being towards ourselves and a greater appreciation of the joy and sorrows experienced by all beings.

Mindfulness: Going Beyond The Current Trend

Posted on by

It seems mindfulness has become the tour de jour in 2015. It is everywhere. Parade Magazine called mindfulness meditation the number one health booster, the hottest well-being trend of our time. It is now used by the U.S. military to prepare soldiers for war and treat them for PTSD when they get back. Companies like Google are using mindfulness to enable employees to work harder for longer hours. A recent headline I found in Forbes magazine sums up the whole trend:

“Overworked and Overwhelmed? Use These Mindfulness Secrets to Restore Balance In 2015.”

The article opens with the following words, “Stress and burnout are all-too-frequent for executives…. But feeling overworked and overwhelmed not only reduces engagement and productivity, it also erodes happiness and personal health. What to do? Mindfulness is the answer.

Some of the benefits of mindfulness touted in the article include such attributes as flow, completely absorbed in work, elevated, a little bit of swagger, transparency, a sense of humor, calm, clear, confident, intentional, and laser-like focus.

There’s nothing wrong with any of this, of course, but from a Buddhist perspective the purpose of mindfulness goes much deeper. Most of the techniques used under the rubric of mindfulness in the popular culture focus on the peace that comes from a concentrated and calm mind, which can bring a lot of relief from the stress we face in our everyday world. But calming, concentrated meditation alone will not necessarily bring us wisdom, promote ethical behavior and ultimately lead to liberation from suffering. While concentration is a cornerstone of mindfulness practice, it can also be used in the service of the ego, for achievement and competition, to dominate others and to be selfish. It will not necessarily give us a perspective on ourselves, our suffering and the suffering we may cause others.

If we simply focus on entering calm peaceful states and staying there, we don’t gain any insights into who we are and all the neurotic stories and lies we can tell ourselves that fosters the illusion of a separate permanent self. In essence, by simply making the mind calm, without paying attention, we miss everything about us that makes us human.

Pema Chödrön puts it this way, “The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”

Vipassana (Insight) meditation is really a balancing act between mindfulness and concentration. Mindfulness grows by using the lens of a concentrated mind to look at whatever is passing without judgment, realizing and accepting what is the truth and then letting go. Bhante Gunaratana writes, “Mindfulness is cultivated by a gentle effort. Persistence and a light touch of the senses. It is cultivated by constantly pulling ourselves back to a state of awareness, gently, gently, gently, over and over again.”

Mindfulness leads to wisdom, not by trying to achieve anything, but by simply investigating how things really are for us in the present moment. It does not involve trying to analyze, blame, or fix anything. Instead, we face our thoughts, emotions and body sensations with a kind and detached discernment. Investigating this “self” that continues to arise and pass away in all its many forms. As Gil Fronsdal writes, “We learn to live with openness and trust rather than with a self-image and all the self-criticism, aversion and pride that can come with it. In mindfulness practice, none of our humanity is denied. We are discovering a way to be present to everything – our full humanity – so everything becomes a gate to freedom, to compassion and to ourselves.

Mindful Communication: The Gift of Wise Speech

Posted on by

The Buddha singled out wise speech as one of the important factors for awakening. It is part of the eight fold path, leading to the cessation of suffering and the realization of self-awakening. Like other parts of the path, wise speech requires effort, mindfulness and spiritual wisdom on our part to avoid harming others as well as ourselves. It is one of the most profound practices we can undertake off the meditation cushion and one of the greatest gifts we can give others. As Joseph Goldstein writes, “The care it takes to avoid harmful speech creates a vast playing field of mindfulness in our daily lives.”

Wise speech is rooted in learning to avoid four unwholesome verbal actions that cause harm to others and ourselves. These are lying (false speech), using harsh or aggressive language, divisive speech (backbiting and gossiping) and frivolous (or useless) conversation. Or put in positive terms, wise speech means speaking in ways that are trustworthy, comforting, harmonious, and worth taking to heart. When we practice these positive forms of speech, our words become a gift to others. The benefit of this practice is that people are more likely to listen to you and respond in kind.

One way to practice wise speech is to listen to our internal monologue. What is the tone of voice we use within our mind? Do we have a tendency to build ourselves up or put ourselves down? How often do we complain, compare, and judge ourselves? It is likely that your internal and external talk run in parallel tracks, so if we can hear and improve our internal monologue, it will help us hear and improve the way that we speak with others.

The more we practice wise speech, the more we see that the way we act shapes our experience and the world around us. If we can take some time to investigate the feelings behind our words, we may begin to uncover hidden or confused motives behind our speech. Self-righteous words may be a cover for anger. Angry words may be a cover for fear. Gossiping may be an attempt to try and reaffirm and strengthen our feelings of self-worth. Sometimes we engage in frivolous banter to cover up a feeling of unworthiness or a need for approval.

The point of practicing wise speech, however, is not to beat ourselves up. As meditation instructor Dr. Shahara Godfrey states in an interview published on Spirit Rock’s website, “the whole point is that the practice gives us the opportunity to try again and again. And we will make mistakes. Yet, how can we be kind to ourselves in a moment when we know we have made a mistake? I think the beauty of the practice is that we get an opportunity to practice Wise Speech over and over again with so many different people and in so many different situations.”

Exercises for Practicing Wise Speech

Here are two exercises that you might find useful for cultivating wise speech in your daily life.

Say Only What It True and Helpful: A succinct summary of wise speech in the Buddha’s words could be paraphrased as “say only what is true and helpful.”  With this in mind, see if you’d like to pick one day a week (or month) to focus on speaking only words that to the best of your knowledge are truthful and beneficial to those on the receiving end of your words. This requires mindfulness to see what is really true for us in the moment. Unless we are aware of our true experience, it is hard to be truthful in our speech.

Give Up Gossip: Choose a time period of perhaps a day or a week.  Then commit to not saying anything about other people unless they are in your presence. Whenever you find yourself tempted to gossip, try to recognize the underlying motive.

For each of these exercises take some time at the end of the day to reflect on your experience.  Notice the sense of integrity and strength that comes from holding to the truth, treating people with respect, and refusing to succumb to hurtful talk. Also notice when you have temptations to stretch the truth or gossip. See if you can discern some of the hidden agendas behind these impulses. The point of these exercises isn’t to criticize ourselves, but to simply notice what words arise out of our mouths and investigate the subtle motives behind them. This is an opportunity to attend to the habitual emotions or thoughts that may block us from using our words in a more truthful and harmonious manner.

With practice, our speech can grow wiser and our hearts become lighter. We begin to see the suffering that unmindful speech causes ourselves and those around us. We see how unmindful listening creates a feeling of separation between us and others, and constricts our heart. As our speech becomes more mindful, compassionate and kind, we will sense greater harmony in our lives and promote greater peace among all beings in this world.

Judgment vs. Discernment: Moving From Preferences to Wisdom

Posted on by

When I first began practicing mindfulness meditation, I was surprised by the constant chatter of thoughts running through my head. What I found most disturbing about all this noise was that the majority of my thoughts were full of self-judgment, criticism and doubt. My first inclination was to try and stop these voices, or at least to ignore them. But the more I tried to do suppress them, the louder they became and the worse I felt when they inevitably reappeared.

Feeling discomfort with the judging mind is not uncommon. We come to meditation hoping to get relief from our distress and end up feeling more distress when we actually start to become aware of our thoughts. We’re taught that mindfulness involves cultivating non-judgmental awareness of what’s happening in the present moment, and yet here we sit full of judgment. I believe that part of our confusion around working with judgments comes from our western tendency to see the world in terms of duality – to judge our thoughts and experiences as right or wrong, good or bad, smart or dumb, etc. By seeing our judging minds as something negative, we take our judgments personally and see them as a reflection of ourselves.

It is not that all judgments are bad.  There are general agreements about what’s right and wrong, such as not harming others and not stealing. Such agreements are important for us as social beings to function as a society.  So there is a place for judgment. Often, however, we artificially make up these categories of good vs bad on the basis of our own likes and dislikes, as a way to navigate through the world. We divide things up politically, religiously, socially, racially, etc. and conclude that those in my camp are right and those in the other are wrong. When something falls outside what we deem acceptable, we judge it harshly. When it falls within that shifting structure of acceptability, we judge it positively. This goes for our critiques of the outside world as well as our thoughts about ourselves.

Our judgments about how things should be often exacerbates our suffering. For example in considering our relationship with our parents, if you still feel anger towards them that you haven’t worked out, you may have a lot of judgment around that anger. You may feel that having anger at your parents is clearly wrong. The judgment you have around this anger will itself cause you to suffer, perhaps dearly, because you feel so strongly that anger shouldn’t be here. But the truth is, it is here.

There is a Buddhist teaching attributed to the Chinese Zen patriarch Jianzhi Sengcan call Faith – Mind that opens with the lines “The great way [towards liberation] is not difficult for those who have no preferences. Like not, dislike not. Be illuminated.”  You could say, this is true of judgment. When we can suspend good and bad, high and low, all we’re left with are arbitrary divisions of life.  When we can just see these division as the way things are, we begin to develop true wisdom. This is the realm of discernment.

When we move from judgment to discernment our view changes. With discernment we begin to investigate and know what thoughts, feeling, or actions lead to happiness and what leads to suffering. The point is to try and wake up to what is suffering, what does it feel like, and to begin to see what leads to suffering. Also, what is real happiness (not what we think is happiness) and what leads to happiness. It is through discernment that we begin to know these things on a felt, experiential level.  Judgment does not have this ability to do this.

To see the difference, consider the following example.  You’ve just eaten a nice meal. Maybe you’re a little full, and you see there’s cake for dessert. Judgment goes cake – “good.” Then judgment goes, no I shouldn’t eat that cake, I’m already full, it will break my diet. Eating that cake is “bad.”

Discernment goes, cake, hum, mindfulness – I think I’d like that cake. Desire that’s the mind. Let’s now check in with the body. How’s the body feeling? How’s the stomach feeling? Ugh, kind of full and uncomfortable. What’s it going to be like if I eat that cake? More likely my stomach will be much more uncomfortable, very unpleasant.

The difference is that it’s not right or wrong. Discernment just knows that eating this cake is going to lead to suffering. This is much different than thinking I am a bad person if I eat that cake.

As our mindfulness practice deepens, we want to come more and more from discernment and less and less from judgment. Discernment starts with the suffering we find ourselves in, allowing us to see how our attachments are its fundamental cause, and then provides us the space to let go. Overtime, we learn to let go of our attachments through insight, by seeing into their impermanent nature and their inability to provide any kind of lasting satisfaction.

As our discernment grows, we gain the ability to grasp, comprehend, and evaluate clearly the true nature of ourselves. We begin to wake up to what is suffering and what leads to suffering in our lives. We gain insight into what is real happiness and what leads to happiness. Judgement does not have this ability to know this because it is concerned with protecting, supporting, or compensating for the ego. With discernment, we are no longer so concerned about protecting the ego. Instead we turn towards the difficulties in our lives with curiosity and compassion. Overtime, this honest turning towards the way things are provides us with the insights that propel us toward greater wisdom.

The Gift of Loving-Kindness

Posted on by

There is a belief, I’ve often heard, repeated that meditation practice, and metta or loving-kindness practice in particular, is self-indulgent. That by focusing so much attention on ourselves, we are withdrawing from the problems of the world. This view, however, ignores the fact that without a sense of self-love and compassion for ourselves, our actions in the world can often end up doing more harm than good, even if our intentions are noble. As Sharon Salzberg writes “Generosity coming from self-hated becomes martyrdom. Morality born of self-hate becomes rigid repression. Love for others without the foundation of love for ourselves becomes a loss of boundaries, codependency, and a painful and fruitless search for intimacy.”

Loving-kindness and compassion are the mental states at the root of wise action. Given the state of the world today, and the immense challenges and emotional difficulties that can arise for us as we face these challenges, deepening our meditation practice by cultivating metta is one of the most effective actions we can take to help alleviate the suffering of others. Practicing metta strengthens our ability to bring greater compassion and awareness to everything — every moment, person, situation, emotion, thought, experience. The more we are able to be present, clear and non-reactive to the way things are, the greater the chance that our actions will help others, rather than bring harm.

Donald Rothberg writes in his book The Engaged Spiritual Life, that “our times call for both spiritual and social commitments. There is the irony of attempting to overcome self-centeredness, hatred, fear and confusion through meditation practice while ignoring the cries of the world.” It is the cries of the world that call us to begin the process of self-transformation. Without transforming the world reflected within us, there is no telling how our actions may unconsciously affect others. The gift of metta is that it can transform our minds so that we are able to act in ways that benefit ourselves, as wells as others. This is a gift we give to the world.

Loving Ourselves Takes Courage

Like many western practitioners of Buddhism, when I first started practicing loving-kindness meditation I found it most difficult to focus this energy towards myself. I can remember being on retreat and having no problem practicing the metta phrase for others – my friends, my mentors, people I barely know, even some of the more unpleasant people in my life – yet, when I’d try and direct that love towards myself, I’d balk. I’d often feel guilty, anxious and annoyed. The practice seemed so pointless and completely self-absorbed.

What I’ve learned over the past ten years is that without self-love, much of the energy I put into helping others is completely co-dependent. I felt pain and loneliness inside and was trying to heal these wounds by playing the saint. As I’ve worked with the metta phrases over time, directing them towards myself as well as other, I have felt a shift in consciousness and a greater sense of acceptance. I fee l like I’m less likely to hurt others out of a desire to have my “needs” meet. I still slip up, but that’s why they call it a practice. We move forward slowly, learning to love ourselves more, bringing greater awareness to the layers of pain and sadness that may surround our hearts, and then allowing our light to radiate out into the world.

Metta and Wise Intention

Metta practice can help us cultivated wise intention, part of the eight fold path leading to the liberation of suffering. It does this by helping us overcome negative and unwholesome thought patterns by bringing awareness to our intention to foster greater goodwill, compassion and kindness towards ourselves and others. Silently directing phrases or “well-wishes” to ourselves, a benefactor, a dear one, a neutral person, a difficult person, and all beings helps us to “water” the seeds of joy, peace, mindfulness, understanding, and love that already exist in our minds. This in turn strengthens those thought patterns that lead us to take wholesome actions in the world.

Neuroscience tells us that setting an intention ‘primes’ our nervous system to be on the lookout for whatever will support our intentions.  In his book “The Mindful Brain”, Daniel Siegel talks about the effect paying “attention to intention” has on our brain and how this affects our experience of our surroundings. He writes, “Intentions create an integrated state of priming, a gearing up of our neural system to be in the mode of that specific intention: we can be readying to receive, to sense, to focus, to behave in a certain manner.” In other words, when we pay attention to our intentions, we are more likely to notice and connect with the relevant actions, opportunities and people that will make our intentions come to fruition.

As we pay attention to our intention to cultivate greater goodwill and compassion by practicing metta, we are training our brains to connect with the wholesome thoughts that can bring us greater happiness. We are also creating the conditions that allow us to let go of unwholesome thoughts grounded in greed, hate and delusion that bring greater suffering. That is a gift to the world. That is the power of metta.

Instructions for Practicing Metta Meditation

For those new to metta, below is a guided loving-kindness (metta) meditation by Sharron Salzberg. May you be happy and peaceful.

Cultivating A Relationship With Stillness

Posted on by

In my experience, one of the most poignant benefits of walking a spiritual path is the opportunity to cultivate a relationship with stillness. In the early years of my practice, stillness was like an unknown continent on the other side of the earth; a foreign land with a mysterious terrain I barely even knew existed. Before I entered the practice, my orientation to life was often like that of a shark: swim constantly, I thought, or else you’ll die! I was often in search of a set of experiences in the outer world that would fill what the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins refers to as the “god-shaped hole” in my heart. In the end, this wasn’t a very sustainable way to live, not if what I was truly seeking was a rich, grounded and meaningful life.

The early years of my practice also featured a good amount of fumbling around as I learned to walk – or should I say crawl? – on this new terrain. I was gaining exposure to an entirely new way of being that, in its formal structure, often centered on the concept of doing nothing at all. On my first silent retreat, my restlessness felt so large that there were many periods of sitting mediation during which I thought a freight train was going to explode right through my chest! Yet something kept bringing me back, something intuitively told me this was the path I needed to follow no matter how excruciating it may feel. Because, the truth is, that even on that first retreat I was able to touch moments of stillness that revealed a whole new way of experiencing this life; a way of being that wasn’t constantly pushing me towards the next thing but was allowing me to rest in the stillness and intimacy of not needing to do anything at all.

I can clearly remember a moment a year or two after that first retreat, I was at a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction training with Jon Kabat-Zinn at the Mount Madonna Center outside of Monterey, when the full beauty of stillness truly landed for me. During this seven-day training, Jon incorporated three days of silence. During that time, I can recall sitting outside the dining hall one morning after breakfast, there was about a half hour before we were to meet again in the meditation hall, and I had absolutely nowhere to be and absolutely nothing to do. It was a clear, warm spring morning and I simply sat down in a chair in a small courtyard, overlooking the redwoods and Monterey Bay, and did something that was quite shocking: nothing. And not only did I do nothing but I enjoyed doing nothing. I wasn’t thinking and I wasn’t not thinking. I was simply sitting in a chair overlooking the lush green valley below me. I was simply feeling the warmth of the morning sun on my skin. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

As my practice has evolved, I’ve come to a personal understanding of stillness and it’s difference from silence. For me, silence is the absence of noise and distraction while stillness is an embodied quality of being. Silence is something I may be able to influence by going on retreat or by finding quiet spaces and places in my life in which to practice, reflect, or simply rest and relax. Silence can be beautiful and deeply nourishing but it’s not something I can always control. Stillness, on the other hand, is an inner quality that I can nurture and cultivate; it’s a refuge I can always return to because it exists within my body. In a challenging meeting at work, with intense emotions and divergent perspectives swirling all around me, silence may be something I desire but is not available in that moment. However, I can drop into the sensations in my body and seek refuge within a stillness that exists there. I can rest in the interior stillness that follows a few slow deep breaths. Stillness is a resource that, for me, exists both in and out of retreat, both on and off the meditation cushion.

Even in my formal sitting practice, I find a distinction between silence and stillness. For example, while my mind may be very active during a particular meditation – moving from the past to the future, from remembering to planning – my body is actually resting in stillness. While my mind may be far from silent and filled with “traffic,” my body is like a car pulled off to the side of the road. And, when life gets noisy and full of bumper-to-bumper intensity, it’s this car-by-the-side-of-the-road stillness that I seek out within myself. It’s a quality I can call upon no matter what’s taking place in the world around me. Over time, my body has learned to cultivate this relationship with stillness and it has been an unexpected, and deeply nourishing, aspect of my practice.

Cultivating Joy in Daily Life

Posted on by

The Buddha taught that joy and happiness already reside within us. To cultivate these qualities, we just need to develop wholesome states of mind that allow us to experience our true nature. Such change, however, requires effort. It’s no different than the effort required to develop a wholesome life style aimed at keeping our bodies in shape. If we focus on eating right, exercising and doing yoga, we find that we feel healthier, our muscles can get stronger and we become more limber. The ability of bodies to get healthier and stronger is endemic to all bodies. Similarly, the ability of the mind to experience inner peace and well-being is endemic to all minds. In fact according to neuroscience, the default state of the mind is a sense of ease. When the mind is calm and clear it returns to its default state. Thus, happiness is not something you need to pursue, you just have to learn how to access it.

But accessing “it” is not so easy for most of us because we’ve developed mental habits based on a misunderstanding that our happiness and joy are dependent on external conditions – conditions that are unceasingly changing on an unreliable bias. As neuroscientist Sam Harris says, “The problem of finding happiness in the world arrives with our first breath – and our needs and desires seem to multiply by the hour.” And so, from day one, we are developing habits that seek out pleasurable experiences and avoid unpleasurable experiences in the hopes that our needs and desires will be met – that we ‘find’ happiness. What we find instead is that all of our pleasures – however refined or easily acquired- are fleeting. You can’t get enough of your favorite meal and you keep eating until the next moment you are so stuffed you feel sick, and yet by some miracle of science you still have room for desert, then seconds after the taste no longer lingers you feel regret, so you download a new app that’s guaranteed to help you lose weight, and so it goes.

The habits of ego are hard to change, but the good news is that like all habits change is possible with the right “exercise.” Bad habits can be replaced by good habits. The exercises themselves are fairly simple in concept, but not so easy to keep up. Our tendency is to get lazy and fall back into familiar and comfortable patterns. So effort is required by us to sustain our practice. In Buddhism, wise effort refers to the energy we need to abandon unwholesome states of minds (bad habits) and to cultivate wholesome states of mind (good habits). The good news is that all habits can be changed over time; it just takes practice and patience.

Simple Daily Exercises for Developing Greater Joy

Our meditation practice begins with sitting on a cushion or chair, and it is here where we first begin to cultivate joy and loving-kindness. Eventually, however, we must move our practice off the cushion and out into daily life. Learning to cultivate and experience joy in the work place, at home, in our relationships, etc. is an important part of our spiritual journey. Of course we’ll make mistakes — we’ll lose our tempers, harbor resentments, express dislikes, fail to be compassionate even when our friends are suffering — but making mistakes is just a part of the process of learning any skill.

The important point to remember is that if we are trying to cultivate joy in meditation, but always act in ways that undermines our joy in daily life, then we’re obviously going to get “stuck” in our development. Part of the trick is just remembering to practice when we’re in the world. For myself, I have found three simple practices that help me remember to stay conscious in daily life. They are calming the mind, attending to joy and evoking kindness. Below, I describe each of these practices and offer some simple exercises you can try for yourself.

Calming the mind

Calming the mind helps to bring us back to our default set point, which is a sense of ease or abiding in peace. While it is difficult to maintain this inner peace very long, given our mind’s tendency to wander, we can, with exercise, experience inner peace on a moment by moment basis. The more we practice the longer these moments become.

There are many methods for calming the mind, but three that I have found useful are “Anchoring”, “Imaging” and “Using a Mantra.” Anchoring refers to focusing your mental awareness on a single object and trying to keep it there. Generally, this is the breath, but it could also be a particular body sensation, like the feelings in your hands, or the warmth in your belly. If you use the breath, it is best to focus on where you notice it the strongest, in your nostrils, chest, abdomen, or even surrounding your whole body. The idea is that when your mind is active or agitated, triggered by the ongoing conditions of the world, you can bring it back to a state of calm by refocusing your attention on your anchor. You anchor becomes a refuge in the storm – a safe harbor when there is turbulence in the mind.

Imaging refers to using a mental image that you associate with a calm meditative state of mind. One possibility is the image of a butterfly landing on a flower. The idea is that as we calm our mind, we are able to slowly make the butterfly become still enough to stay on the flower for a short period of time.

A mantra is any sound, word or short phrase that you find attractive, easy to remember and conducive to relaxation. It can have meaning or no meaning. Some people do better with a meaningful word or phrase while others experience the meaning as a distraction and hence prefer a simple sound. One mantra I have found helpful to me is “No one to be, Nothing to do.” Or you might try the word “Calm” on the in breath and “Peace” on the out breath. Often connecting your breath with your mantra can help maintain a calm mind for longer periods of time.

Daily Exercise

Experiment with each of these methods during your day. See which one works best for inducing and maintaining a clam state of mind. You might start by committing to your “calming the mind” practice for one minute every day for the next week. Try it at work, at home, or wherever feels right. Gradually increase the time if it feels right for you. See if when you practice you notice a shift in you state of mind. When your mind is calm do you notice a greater sense of inner peace? What does this inner peace feel like in the moment? Does it change from moment to moment of stay the same?

Attending to Joy

Experiencing the inner peace that comes from a calm mind is the first step towards cultivating loving-kindness. The second step is to begin attending to the moments of joy in our lives. Every time you have a joyful experience, simply give it your full attention. It only takes one moment, this moment, to bring full attention to the joy that you are feeling at any one time – walking with a loved one, seeing a sunset, holding a baby, taking a bite of a delicious meal.

Joy is everywhere if we set our intention to look for it. It’s like setting an intention to look for blue cars. When we do, we quickly notice they are everywhere. The fact that we are not in pain, are healthy, are safe, are able to get water and food when we need it, live in a beautiful area, have the resources that allow us to practice mediation, are miracles that we often take for granted. Like blue cars, momentary joy is all around us, even in the midst of struggle, and the more we set our intention to look for it, the more were realize that many moments in our day are filled with joy. Attending to joy trains our minds to more readily access the joy that is already here.

Noticing the good in our life strengthens our inner sense of peace, which helps calm the mind. For most of us, our habitual tendency is to focus on the negative aspects of our life. What scientists call our brain’s built-in “negativity bias.” Instead of focusing on the fifty things that went right for us at the end of the day, we ruminant on the one that went wrong. By focusing on the good, however, we can overcome this habit. This makes it easier for us over time to return to our minds default state of ease and friendliness towards ourselves.

Daily Exercise

Try paying calm mindful attention to three activities a day (one minute each) that bring you a sense of ease and well-being. Perhaps when you first step into the shower, just notice without analyzing how your body feels. Take in the sensations. Or when you first start eating a meal, notice how the food feels in your mouth, notice its temperature, colors, and texture, focus on its aroma and taste. Or when you find yourself walking. Just notice how it feels to walk, what are the sensations like in your body in the present moment as you move through space. The possibilities are endless.

Evoking Kindness

The practice of loving-kindness is central to all schools of Buddhism and is key to finding and staying on the path. There is often a lot of confusion about what is meant by the concept of loving-kindness, or by terms like joy and happiness in the Buddhist sense of the words. What we are talking about is not some esoteric feeling that will carry us away on waves of bliss, only to crash down to the ground again when conditions change and we feel discouraged. Loving-kindness can best be understood as a friendly response to ourselves and the people around us. It is a feeling of good-will or a kind heart that we can always access in the present moment, if we are awake enough to look. This is the fertile ground from which happiness and joy can arise in our lives.

As our ability to access inner peace and inner joy grows, our natural tendency is to feel more compassion for ourselves and others. Actively evoking kindness to others helps us make this characteristic a habit. Wishing for others to be well, to be free from suffering, to have good health and success opens up our hearts and connects us with our own sense of well-being.

As we practice evoking kindness it may sometimes seem that we have more aversion than when we started. We may even become irritable. If we can stay mindful of the feelings that occur, we may notice a powerful purifying process taking place over time. Joseph Goldstein likens this purification to drops of water falling on a piece of red hot metal. As the drops of water hit the metal over and over again there is the sound of steam rising…”whoosh.” Gradually as the metal cools off the sound rising from the drops diminishes and the reactions of the metal to water drops cease. We all carry a vast storehouse of judgments, hurts, resentments and old reactions. As we begin evoking kindness to ourselves, our storehouse of negative emotions may percolate to the surface…”whoosh.” As our mind calms and are able to take in more of the good things in life, our reactions to evoking kindness, even to those we may not intrinsically like, loss strength and we find ourselves living with greater ease and joy.

Daily Exercise

At least once a day randomly choose two human beings and wish them happiness. Just sit quietly and visualize the first person in your mind and then evoke phrases like, “May you be happy, may you have peace, may you find joy and success in your life.” Do this for 10 – 15 seconds and then visualize the second person and repeat the exercise. Experiment with the phrases you use so that they have meaning to you. If you feel more ambitious you might try evoking kindness towards two people every hour at work. Simple take a break from your daily routine for 30 seconds, sit quietly calming your mind and randomly evoke kindness to two people. Do it as a free will giving – with no expectations for any benefits for yourself. See if over time you notice the sound of the steam abating and a greater sense of joy arising in your heart.

Car Alarm Lovingkindness

Posted on by

As I move through my daily life, I know that one of my motivations to stay steadfast in my practice is to support my capacity to respond to the moments of everyday life with more patience, wisdom and care. I have the direct experience of how my practice lessons my suffering and, thus, the suffering of those whom I come in contact with throughout the day. I also know that I am practicing for the inevitable moments when the alarm bells will ring.

I had just one of those “alarm bell” moments recently: While at the gym, relaxed in the let-it-all-go end-of-yoga-class resting pose, I heard my name and “please come to the front desk” ring down the hall. Before I could get there, front desk staff found and informed me that my car had been broken into in the parking lot. My purse was in the trunk.

Fortunately, though my trunk was opened, somehow my purse wasn’t stolen, I was able to quickly change out my bank accounts, and everything turned out fine. What was challenging was my internal experience– a nervous system kicked into survival mode despite a false alarm.

On the day of the event and in the days following, the seeds I’d planted (over years) in my lovingkindness practice produced fruits that lessened my suffering. I had compassion for myself and, on a day following the event, in a moment when I was acknowledging the suffering of the man who broke into my car and sending him well-wishes for healing and peace, the fear running through my mind and body dropped– we were both human beings experiencing suffering, both human beings wanting healing and peace. It was all ok. This level of ease did not last, as a nervous system calms down in its own time, but that moment of no longer experiencing the man who broke into my car as “other” set my mind/heart free. This is the healing power of lovingkindness.

How might our lives change if we were to cultivate the capacity to turn unconditional friendliness, unobstructed well-wishes toward ourselves throughout our daily life? How might this lovingkindness towards our own being then ripple out towards others? Surely, we will each have multitudes of opportunities to inquire, to receive and know our direct experience, as we continue to walk our path.

May all beings be well.

May all beings know healing and peace.